Rantings from a Drunken Pirate… ARRR!

 

Heading back to the hotel still in full Humpin’ Red Dress camouflage, I was excited soon it would be my 1^st ever Butt Pirates/ Humpin’ and my first trip to Mexico!

 

At the trolley station a small band of hashers gathered with Mas Penis handing out the ceremonious butt plugs and the beautiful Night Deposit showing her true Humpin’ spirit wheel chair and all!

 

Away! Away! Away we go with a fife and a drum…

 

The trolley ride to Mexico had Sloppier Copier reviving us all from our late night party stupors with one verse renditions of many a raunchy hash song that would eventually end in a resounding “No! No! Not that one!”

 

Crossing the border into Mexico we found TRUE TRAAAAAAIL! Brightly colored clothing, weaved hats, piñatas, fruit stands, and jewelry glittered around us. On through the markets and to a local bar like nomads speeding towards our desert oasis… Some water would be nice!

 

At the cantina we found the place full of pirates, party in full swig! Aaaaaar! Betty Cock In Her was helping hand out pearl necklaces, cold drinks were a plenty, and it was a fiesta pirate style! Eager to join up I asked Cannabis to pirate me up a bit, he copped a good feel while forming my alter ego, the evil bearded lady pirate! Arrr! Beware me maties!!

 

Here we come full of rum…

 

And the pack was away! Down the city streets and through local markets where people seemed to be peddling everything under the sun! So much booty abounds! I looked up just in time to see Fish Stick using Night Deposit as a buffer as he off roaded it popping wheels with her chair and cutting through traffic!

 

On to a dance club with the locals eagerly directing us up up up the stairs! Harriettes and harriers lined the dance cages with the likes of sexy harriettes like ECT and Sniff. Ass Hop Her heated the place up busting out his stellar supper hero moves! Several beers and a long conga line later and we were under way again!

 

Looking for women to paddle their bum!

 

On down more seedy alleys, Night Deposit cracking the whip on Fish Stick vying for the FRB mug, or in this case the FRB butt plug! Through the red light district and on in to… paddle the bums of several lovely ladies and lads at a strip club!

 

Even the local talent knew to step aside and let Betty have the floor as the entire house cheered her on “Go Betty! Go Betty!” Betty Cock In Her, Thar She Blows, and Diaper Rash were the five star talent of the evening as the pirates happily caroused filling their bottoms with much bounty!  Such a good time was had that the hares left, only to return hours later in search of the pack!

 

Away! Away!

 

Heading out into the harsh light of day I was glad to have me eye patch! I found me self running besides the recently returned Man Whore who began to tell me all about his prior experiences in Tijuana where he ran the most prominent whore house in town… or was it that he worked on a bomb squad?!? Same thang. On on!

 

On to find the pack bunched up ahead of us, all standing there in the market courtyard, but why? Taking a closer look, they were gathered around…. a Mexican cop car?!?!?  ARR! What kind of danger lurks ahead? There in the back of the police car bound and gagged and most certainly fit to walk the plank were none other than the hares!

 

It seems the Mexican cops themselves had been following trail! No doubt they had seen the beautiful Betty Cock in Her and hoped to ransom the hares for her sultry smile!

 

Try as we might we couldn’t pry our two maties from their steely hook-like grips… until… Man Whore to the rescue! (Who else should save us in the steamy red light district?!?)  Using his past experiences in Tijuana Man Whore successfully rescued these two plank walking pirates from a most certain death at sea!

 

And all the hashers siiiiiiinngggg….. Bum! Titty! Bum! Titty! Bum! Titty! Bum!

 

To the On In! Where the pirates continued to cause a raucous and there was much rejoicing!

I must say loosing your virginity in Mexico is a harsh ride, but what a hell of a ride it was! To the glorious notorious Butt Pirates, you can plug me any day!  Now I am off in search of me shore legs!

 

Down Downs Included:

• A frozen pig head that got much love from the likes of sexy harriettes GI Ho and Sloppier Copier

• Night Deposit finally became a true Humper with the ceremonies tying on of her six run band!

• Drunken debauchery and pillaging pirates continued on and invaded Old Town until the wee hours, shutting down the town!

And the next time you see us cumming, you’d better step aside!

And we ain’t kidding neither!

 

Note from CJ:  One of the pop-a-cork-in-it butt plugs appeared during circle at the Oahu hash on Tuesday, just two days later, along with stories of the hares' arrest.  Word of Humpin's Greatness travels fast, far, and wide!  Great job, hares, planners, pirates, and arrestees!